View source for Philosophy:Romance (love)

{{short description|Type of love that focuses on feelings}}
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[[File:Romeo and juliet brown.jpg|thumb|upright| An 1870 oil painting by Ford Madox Brown of Romeo and Juliet, considered to be the archetypal romantic couple, depicting the play's iconic balcony scene]]
{{Close Relationships|activities}}

'''Romance''' or '''romantic love''' is a [[Philosophy:Feeling|feeling]] of [[Philosophy:Love|love]] for, or a [[Social:Interpersonal attraction|strong attraction]] towards another person,<ref name="Gottschall 2008 pp. 157–170">{{cite book | last=Gottschall | first=Jonathan | title=Literature, Science, and a New Humanities | chapter=Romantic Love: A Literary Universal? | publisher=Palgrave Macmillan US | publication-place=New York | year=2008 |isbn=978-0-230-60903-7 | doi=10.1057/9780230615595_8 | pages=157–170 | s2cid=144997784 | quote=to experience a strong desire for union with someone who is deemed entirely unique.

}}</ref> and the [[Biology:Courtship|courtship behaviors]] undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

The ''Wiley Blackwell Encyclopedia of Family Studies'' states that "Romantic love, based on the model of mutual attraction and on a connection between two people that bonds them as a couple, creates the conditions for overturning the model of family and marriage that it engenders."<ref>{{Cite book|title=The Wiley Blackwell encyclopedia of family studies|others=Shehan, Constance L.|isbn=978-1-119-08562-1|location=Chichester, West Sussex, UK|oclc=936191649|year = 2016}}</ref> This indicates that romantic love can be the founding of attraction between two people. This term was primarily used by the "western countries after the 1800s were socialized into, love is the necessary prerequisite for starting an intimate relationship and represents the foundation on which to build the next steps in a family."

Alternatively, ''Collins Dictionary'' describes romantic love as "an intensity and idealization of a love relationship, in which the other is imbued with extraordinary virtue, beauty, etc., so that the relationship overrides all other considerations, including material ones."<ref>
  {{cite journal |last1=de Jong |first1=Michelle |last2=Collins |first2=Anthony |title=Love and looks: A discourse of romantic love and consumer culture |journal=Acta Academica |date=2017 |volume=49 |issue=1 |doi=10.18820/24150479/aa49i1.5 |doi-access=free }}</ref>

Although the [[Medicine:Psychophysiology|emotions and sensations]] of ''romantic love'' are widely associated with [[Philosophy:Sexual attraction|sexual attraction]], they could also exist without sexual attraction. In certain cases, romance could even be interpreted as a normal friendship. [[History:History|Historically]], the [[Social:Terminology|term]] ''romance'' originates with the [[History:Middle Ages|medieval]] [[Philosophy:Ideal (ethics)|ideal]] of chivalry as set out in the literature of chivalric romance.

== General definitions ==
Bode & Kushnick<ref>{{Cite journal|last1=Bode|first1=Adam|last2=Kushnick|first2=Geoff|date=2021|title=Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love|journal=Frontiers in Psychology|language=English|volume=12|page=573123|doi=10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123|issn=1664-1078|pmc=8074860|pmid=33912094|doi-access=free}}</ref> undertook a comprehensive review of romantic love from a biological perspective in 2021. They considered the psychology of romantic love, its mechanisms, development across the lifespan, functions, and evolutionary history. Based on the content of that review, they proposed a biological definition of  romantic love: 

"'''Romantic love''' is a motivational state typically associated with a desire for long-term mating with a particular individual. It occurs across the lifespan and is associated with distinctive cognitive, emotional, behavioral, social, genetic, neural, and endocrine activity in both sexes. Throughout much of the life course, it serves [[Philosophy:Mate choice|mate choice]], courtship, sex, and pair-bonding functions. It is a suite of adaptations and by-products that arose sometime during the recent evolutionary history of humans."

Anthropologist Charles Lindholm defined love as "any intense attraction that involves the idealization of the other, within an erotic context, with expectation of enduring sometime into the future".<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Smith |first1=Daniel Jordan |title=Romance, Parenthood, and Gender in a Modern African Society |journal=Ethnology |date=2001 |volume=40 |issue=2 |pages=129–151 |id={{Gale|A76997888}} |doi=10.2307/3773927 |jstor=3773927 }}</ref> Romance is a feeling of love and attraction, that people currently like and want to continue in the future.

=== Historical usage ===
The word "romance" comes from the French [[Social:Vernacular|vernacular]] where initially it indicated a [[Social:Narrative poetry|verse narrative]].  The word was originally an adverb of Latin origin, "romanicus", meaning "of the [[History:Ancient Rome|Roman]] style". European medieval vernacular tales, epics, and [[Social:Ballad|ballad]]s generally dealt with chivalric adventure, not bringing in the concept of [[Philosophy:Love|love]] until late into the seventeenth century. The word ''romance'' developed other meanings, such as the early nineteenth century Spanish and Italian definitions of "adventurous" and "passionate", which could intimate both "love affair" and "idealistic quality".{{citation needed|date=June 2021}}

[[File:Codex Manesse Bernger von Horheim.jpg|thumb|upright|Bernger von Horheim in the ''Codex Manesse'' (early 14th century)]]
[[Social:Anthropology|Anthropologists]] such as [[Biography:Claude Lévi-Strauss|Claude Lévi-Strauss]] show that there were complex forms of courtship in ancient as well as contemporary primitive societies. There may not be evidence, however, that members of such societies formed loving relationships distinct from their established customs in a way that would parallel modern romance.<ref>Lévi-Strauss pioneered the scientific study of the betrothal of cross cousins in such societies, as a way of solving such technical problems as the [[Biology:Avunculate|avunculate]] and the [[Biology:Incest taboo|incest taboo]] (''Introducing Lévi-Strauss''), pp. 22–35.</ref> Marriages were often arranged, but the wishes of those to be wed were considered, as affection was important to primitive tribes.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Mell |first1=A. H. |title=Notes on Family and Marriage in Primitive Societies |journal=The Nyasaland Journal |date=1951 |volume=4 |issue=1 |pages=7–23 |jstor=29545631 }}</ref>

In the majority of primitive societies studied by the anthropologists, the extramarital and premarital relations between men and women were completely free. The members of the temporary couples were sexually attracted to each other more than to anyone else, but in all other respects their relationships had not demonstrated the characteristics of romantic love. In the book of Boris Shipov ''Theory of Romantic Love''<ref>Shipov, B. (2019) ''The Theory of Romantic Love'' {{ISBN|978-1-0868-5125-0}} p.88</ref> the corresponding evidences of anthropologists have been collected. Lewis H. Morgan: "the passion of love was unknown among the barbarians. They are below the sentiment, which is the offspring of civilization and super added refinement of love was unknown among the barbarians."<ref>Morgan, L.H. (1877/1908) "Ancient Society or Researches in the Lines of Human Progress from Savagery through Barbarism to Civilization". Chicago: Charles H. Kerr & Company. p.476</ref> Margaret Mead: "Romantic love as it occurs in our civilisation, inextricably bound up with ideas of monogamy, exclusiveness, jealousy and undeviating fidelity does not occur in Samoa."<ref>Mead, M. (1928) "Coming of age in Samoa". New York: Morrow & Co. p.105</ref> Bronislaw Malinowski: "Though the social code does not favour romance, romantic elements and imaginative personal attachments are not altogether absent in Trobriand courtship and marriage."<ref>Malinowski, B. (1929) ''The Sexual Life of Savages in North-Western Melanesia.'' Distributed by EUGENICS PUBLISHING COMPANY New York. p.314</ref>

The phenomenon which B.Malinowski calls love, actually has very little in common with the European love: "Thus there is nothing roundabout in a Trobriand wooing; nor do they seek full personal relations, with sexual possession only as a consequence. Simply and directly a meeting is asked for with the avowed intention of sexual gratification. If the invitation is accepted, the satisfaction of the boy's desire eliminates the romantic frame of mind, the craving for the unattainable and mysterious."<ref>Malinowski, B. (1929) ''The Sexual Life of Savages in North-Western Melanesia.'' Distributed by EUGENICS PUBLISHING COMPANY New York. p.313</ref> "an important point is that the pair's community of interest is limited to the sexual relation only. The couple share a bed and nothing else. ... there are no services to be mutually rendered, they have no obligation to help each other in any way..."<ref>Malinowski, B. (1929) ''The Sexual Life of Savages in North-Western Melanesia''. Distributed by EUGENICS PUBLISHING COMPANY New York. p.74</ref>

The aborigines of Mangaia island of Polynesia, who mastered the English language, used the word "love" with a completely different meaning as compared to that which is usual for the person brought up in the European culture. Donald S.Marshall: "Mangaian informants and co-workers were quite interested in the European concept of "love". English-speaking Mangaians had previously used the term only in a physical sense of sexual desire; to say, "I love you" in English to another person was tantamount to saying, "I want to copulate with you." The components of affection and companionship, which may characterize the European use of the term, puzzled the Mangaians when we discussed the term."<ref>Marshall, D. (1971) "Sexual Behavior on Mangaia". In Donald, S, Marshall, D. and Robert S. (Ed.) "Human sexual behavior: variations in the ethnographic spectrum". p.157</ref> "The principal findings that one can draw from an analysis of emotional components of sexual relationship feelings on Mangaia are:
# There is no cultural connection between a willingness to copulate with a person and any feeling of affection or liking or admiration between copulating partners.
# The degree of "passion" between two individuals in sexual relationships is not related to an emotional involvement but to degrees of instruction in, and use of, sexual techniques."<ref>Marshall, D. (1971) ''Sexual Behavior on Mangaia''. In Donald, S, Marshall, D. and Robert S. (Ed.) ''Human sexual behavior: variations in the ethnographic spectrum''. p.159</ref>

Nathaniel Branden claims that by virtue of "the tribal mentality,” "in primitive cultures the idea of romantic love did not exist at all. Passionate individual attachments are evidently seen as threatening to tribal values and tribal authority."<ref>Branden, N. (1981) "The psychology of romantic love". Bantam Books. p.11</ref> Dr. Audrey Richards, an anthropologist who lived among the Bemba of Northern Rhodesia in the 1930s, once related to a group of them an English folk-fable about a young prince who climbed glass mountains, crossed chasms, and fought dragons, all to obtain the hand of a maiden he loved. The Bemba were plainly bewildered, but remained silent. Finally an old chief spoke up, voicing the feelings of all present in the simplest of questions: "Why not take another girl?" he asked.<ref>Branden, N. (1981) ''The psychology of romantic love''. Bantam Books. p.12</ref>

The earliest recorded marriages in Mesopotamia, Greece, Rome, and among Hebrews were used to secure alliances and produce offspring. It was not until the Middle Ages that love began to be a real part of marriage.<ref>{{Cite news|title=The origins of marriage|url=https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage|access-date=20 June 2021|website=The Week|language=en|archive-date=28 June 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210628171227/https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage|url-status=live}}</ref> The marriages that did arise outside of arranged marriage were most often spontaneous relationships.  In ''Ladies of the Leisure Class'', [[Organization:Rutgers University|Rutgers University]] professor Bonnie G. Smith depicts courtship and marriage rituals that may be viewed as oppressive to modern people. She writes, "When the young women of the Nord married, they did so without illusions of love and romance. They acted within a framework of concern for the reproduction of bloodlines according to financial, professional, and sometimes political interests."<ref>{{cite book |last1=Smith |first1=Bonnie G. |chapter=Domesticity: The Rhetoric of Reproduction |pages=53–92 |jstor=j.ctvx5w9tt.8 |doi=10.2307/j.ctvx5w9tt.8 |title=Ladies of the Leisure Class: The Bourgeoises of Northern France in the 19th Century |date=1981 |publisher=Princeton University Press |isbn=978-0-691-10121-7 |s2cid=241249987 |chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=df3RDwAAQBAJ&pg=PA57 }}</ref><ref>{{cite web|title=Nordan dayal wiki|url=http://nordan.daynal.org/wiki/index.php?title=Romance|access-date=25 May 2017|archive-date=6 November 2020|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20201106144856/http://nordan.daynal.org/wiki/index.php?title=Romance|url-status=live}}</ref>

Anthony Giddens, in ''The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Society'', states that romantic love introduced the idea of a [[Social:Narrative|narrative]] to an individual's life, and telling a story is a root meaning of the term ''romance''. According to Giddens, the rise of romantic love more or less coincided with the emergence of the novel. It was then that romantic love, associated with [[Social:Freedom|freedom]] and therefore the ideals of romantic love, created the ties between freedom and [[Philosophy:Self-realization|self-realization]].<ref>{{Cite book|title=The Transformation of Intimacy : Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies.|last=Anthony.|first=Giddens|date=2013|publisher=Wiley|isbn=978-0-7456-6650-1|location=Hoboken|oclc=852758647}}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book|last=Smith|first=Bonnie G.|jstor=j.ctvx5w9tt|title=Ladies of the Leisure Class: The Bourgeoises of Northern France in the 19th Century|date=31 March 2020|publisher=Princeton University Press|isbn=978-0-691-20948-7|doi=10.2307/j.ctvx5w9tt|s2cid=243269704}}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref>

David R. Shumway states that "the discourse of intimacy" emerged in the last third of the 20th century, intended to explain how marriage and other relationships worked, and making the specific case that emotional closeness is much more important than passion, with intimacy and romance coexisting.<ref>{{cite book |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=KdVa73vN1BgC&q=modern+love+by+David+R.+Shumway| title=Romance, Intimacy, and The Marriage Crisis|access-date= 8 July 2010|isbn=978-0-8147-9831-7|author1=Shumway, David R|year=2003| publisher=NYU Press}}</ref>

One example of the changes experienced in relationships in the early 21st century was explored by Giddens regarding homosexual relationships. According to Giddens, since homosexuals were not able to marry, they were forced to pioneer more open and negotiated relationships. These kinds of relationships then permeated the heterosexual population.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Giddens |first1=Anthony |title=Runaway World |date=2011 |page=64 |oclc=1137343247 }}</ref>

[[File:John William Waterhouse - La Belle Dame sans Merci (1893).jpg|thumb|upright|''La Belle Dame sans Merci'' 1893, by John William Waterhouse]]

=== The origin of romantic love ===
Boris Shipov hypothesizes that "those psychological mechanisms that give rise to limerence or romantic love between a man and a woman [arise] as a product of the contradiction between sexual desire and the morality of a monogamous society, which impedes the realization of this attraction."<ref>Shipov, B. (2019) ''The Theory of Romantic Love'' {{ISBN|978-1-0868-5125-0}} p.160</ref>  {{Dubious|date=July 2022}} 

In F. Engels book, ''The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State'': "monogamy was the only known form of the family under which modern sex love could develop, it does not follow that this love developed, or even predominantly, within it as the mutual love of the spouses. The whole nature of strict monogamian marriage under male domination ruled this out."<ref>Marx, K. & Engels, F. (2010) “Karl Marx & Frederick Engels Collected Works Lawrence & Wishart Electric Book”. p.72</ref>  [[Biography:Sigmund Freud|Sigmund Freud]] stated, "It can easily be shown that the psychical value of erotic needs is reduced as soon as their satisfaction becomes easy. An obstacle is required in order to heighten libido; and where natural resistances to satisfaction have not been sufficient men have at all times erected conventional ones so as to be able to enjoy love. This is true both of individuals and of nations. In times in which there were no difficulties standing in the way of sexual satisfaction, such as perhaps during the decline of the ancient civilizations, love became worthless and life empty."<ref>Freud, S. "The Standard Edition of ''The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud''" vol. XI p.187</ref>

=== Popularization of the term "Romance" ===
The conception of romantic love was popularized in [[Social:Western culture|Western culture]] by the concept of [[Social:Courtly love|courtly love]]. Chevaliers, or knights in the [[History:Middle Ages|Middle Ages]], engaged in what were usually non-physical and non-marital relationships with women of nobility whom they served. These relations were highly elaborate and ritualized in a complexity that was steeped in a framework of tradition, which stemmed from theories of etiquette derived out of chivalry as a moral code of conduct.

Courtly love and the notion of domnei were often the subjects of troubadours, and could be typically found in artistic endeavors such as lyrical narratives and poetic prose of the time. Since [[Biology:Marriage|marriage]] was commonly nothing more than a formal arrangement,<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://www.lordsandladies.org/courtly-love.htm|title=Courtly Love|website=www.lordsandladies.org|access-date=13 March 2020|archive-date=21 January 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210121112915/http://www.lordsandladies.org/courtly-love.htm|url-status=live}}</ref> courtly love sometimes permitted expressions of emotional closeness that may have been lacking from the union between husband and wife.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://public.wsu.edu/~delahoyd/medieval/love.html|title=Courtly Love|website=public.wsu.edu|access-date=13 March 2020|archive-date=14 June 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210614091859/https://public.wsu.edu/~delahoyd/medieval/love.html|url-status=live}}</ref> In terms of courtly love, "lovers" did not necessarily refer to those engaging in [[Philosophy:Human sexual activity|sexual]] acts, but rather, to the act of caring and to emotional intimacy.

The bond between a knight and his Lady, or the woman of typically high stature of whom he served, may have escalated psychologically but seldom ever physically.<ref name="employees.oneonta.edu">{{Cite web|url=http://employees.oneonta.edu/farberas/ARTH/arth214_folder/courtly_love_.html|title=Courtly Love|website=employees.oneonta.edu|access-date=13 March 2020|archive-date=24 February 2021|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210224122625/http://employees.oneonta.edu/farberas/ARTH/arth214_folder/courtly_love_.html|url-status=live}}</ref> For knighthood during the Middle Ages, the intrinsic importance of a code of conduct was in large part as a value system of rules codified as a guide to aid a knight in his capacity as champion of the downtrodden, but especially in his service to the Lord.

In the context of dutiful service to a woman of high social standing, ethics designated as a code were effectively established as an institution to provide a firm moral foundation by which to combat the idea that unfit attentions and affections were to ever be tolerated as "a secret game of trysts" behind closed doors. Therefore, a knight trained in the substance of "chivalry" was instructed, with especial emphasis, to serve a lady most honorably, with purity of heart and mind. To that end, he committed himself to the welfare of both Lord and Lady with unwavering discipline and devotion, while at the same time, presuming to uphold core principles set forth in the code by the religion by which he followed.<ref name="employees.oneonta.edu"/>

Religious meditations upon the Virgin Mary were partially responsible for the development of chivalry as an ethic and lifestyle:  the concept of the honor of a lady and knightly devotion to her, coupled with an obligatory respect for all women, factored prominently as central to the very identity of medieval knighthood. As knights were increasingly emulated, eventual changes were reflected in the inner-workings of feudal society. Members of the [[Social:Aristocracy|aristocracy]] were schooled in the principles of chivalry, which facilitated important changes in attitudes regarding the value of women.<ref>''International Standard Bible Encyclopedia: K-P'' by Geoffrey W. Bromiley 1994 {{ISBN|0-8028-3783-2}} page 272</ref>

Behaviorally, a knight was to regard himself towards a lady with a transcendence of premeditated thought—his virtue ingrained within his character. A chevalier was to conduct himself always graciously, bestowing upon her the utmost courtesy and attentiveness. He was to echo shades of this to all women, regardless of class, age, or status.<ref name="sweeney">Ross Sweeney, James (1983). "Chivalry", in ''Dictionary of the Middle Ages'', Volume III.</ref> Over time, the concept of chivalry and the notion of the courtly gentleman became synonymous with the ideal of how love and romance should exist between the sexes. Through the timeless popularization in art and literature of tales of knights and princesses, kings and queens, a formative and long standing (sub)consciousness helped to shape relationships between men and women.

''De amore'' or ''The Art of Courtly Love'', as it is known in English, was written in the 12th century. The text is widely misread as permissive of extramarital affairs. However, it is useful to differentiate the physical from without: romantic love as separate and apart from [[Social:Courtly love|courtly love]] when interpreting such topics as: "Marriage is no real excuse for not loving", "He who is not jealous cannot love", "No one can be bound by a double love", and "When made public love rarely endures".<ref>{{Cite web|url=http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/chivalry.html|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20100123205411/http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/chivalry.html|url-status=dead|title=The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus|archive-date=23 January 2010}}</ref>

Some believe that romantic love evolved independently in multiple cultures. For example, in an article presented by Henry Grunebaum, he argues "[[Medicine:Psychotherapy|therapists]] mistakenly believe that romantic love is a [[Philosophy:Phenomenon|phenomenon]] unique to Western cultures and first expressed by the troubadours of the Middle Ages."<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Grunebaum |first1=Henry |title=Thinking About Romantic/Erotic Love |journal=Journal of Marital and Family Therapy |date=July 1997 |volume=23 |issue=3 |pages=295–307 |doi=10.1111/j.1752-0606.1997.tb01037.x |pmid=9373828 }}</ref>

The more current and Western traditional terminology meaning "court as lover" or the general idea of "romantic love" is believed to have originated in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, primarily from that of the French culture. This idea is what has spurred the connection between the words "romantic" and "lover", thus coining English phrases for romantic love such as "loving like the Romans do". The precise origins of such a connection are unknown, however. Although the word "romance" or the equivalents thereof may not have the same connotation in other cultures, the general idea of "romantic love" appears to have crossed cultures and been accepted as a concept at one point in time or another.

== Types ==
Romantic love is contrasted with [[Social:Platonic love|platonic love]], which in all usages precludes sexual relations, yet only in the modern usage does it take on a fully nonsexual sense, rather than the classical sense, in which sexual drives are sublimated.

[[Physics:Unrequited love|Unrequited love]] can be romantic in different ways: comic, tragic, or in the sense that sublimation itself is comparable to romance, where the spirituality of both art and egalitarian ideals is combined with strong character and emotions. Unrequited love is typical of the period of [[Philosophy:Romanticism|romanticism]], but the term is distinct from any romance that might arise within it.<ref>Beethoven, however, is the case in point. He had brief relationships with only a few women, always of the nobility. His one actual engagement was broken off mainly because of his conflicts with noble society as a group. This is evidenced in his biography, such as in Maynard Solomon's account.</ref>

Romantic love may also be classified according to two categories, "popular romance" and "divine or spiritual" romance:

;Popular romance: Popular romance may include, but is not limited to the following types: idealistic, normal intense (such as the emotional aspect of "falling in love"), predictable as well as unpredictable, consuming (meaning consuming of time, energy and emotional withdrawals and bids), intense but out of control (such as the aspect of "falling out of love") material and commercial (such as societal gain mentioned in a later section of this article), physical and sexual, and finally grand and demonstrative.
;Divine (or spiritual) romance: Divine (spiritual) romance may include, but is not limited to these following types: realistic, as well as plausible unrealistic, optimistic as well as pessimistic (depending upon the particular beliefs held by each person within the relationship.), abiding (e.g. the theory that each person had a predetermined stance as an agent of choice; such as "choosing a husband" or "choosing a soul mate".), non-abiding (e.g. the theory that each person do not choose their actions, and therefore their romantic love involvement has been drawn from sources outside of themselves), predictable as well as unpredictable, self-control (such as obedience and sacrifice within the context of the relationship) or lack thereof (such as disobedience within the context of the relationship), emotional and personal, soulful (in the theory that the mind, soul, and body, are one connected entity), intimate, and infinite (such as the idea that love itself or the love of a [[Religion:God in Christianity|God's]] "unconditional" love is or could be everlasting).<ref>Romance In Marriage: Perspectives, Pitfalls, and Principles, by Jason S. Carroll http://ce.byu.edu/cw/cwfamily/archives/2003/Carroll.Jason.pdf {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20050406200157/http://ce.byu.edu/cw/cwfamily/archives/2003/Carroll.Jason.pdf |date=2005-04-06 }}</ref>

== Philosophy ==
[[File:Eros bow Musei Capitolini MC410.jpg|thumb|upright|Roman copy of a Greek sculpture by Lysippus depicting Eros, the Greek personification of romantic love]]

=== Plato ===

Greek philosophers and authors have had many theories of love. Some of these theories are presented in [[Biography:Plato|Plato]]'s ''Symposium''. Six Athenian friends, including [[Biography:Socrates|Socrates]], drink wine and each give a speech praising the [[Religion:Deity|deity]] [[Religion:Eros|Eros]]. When his turn comes, Aristophanes says in his [[Social:Myth|myth]]ical speech that sexual partners seek each other because they are descended from beings with spherical torsos, two sets of human limbs, genitalia on each side, and two faces back to back. Their three forms included the three permutations of pairs of gender (i.e. one masculine and masculine, another feminine and feminine, and the third masculine and feminine) and they were split by the gods to thwart the creatures' assault on heaven, recapitulated, according to the comic playwright, in other myths such as the Aloadae.<ref>''Symposium 189d ff''.</ref>

This story is relevant to modern romance partly because of the image of reciprocity it shows between the sexes. In the final speech before [[Biography:Alcibiades|Alcibiades]] arrives, [[Biography:Socrates|Socrates]] gives his encomium of love and desire as a lack of being, namely, the being or form of [[Philosophy:Beauty|beauty]].

=== René Girard ===

Though there are many theories of romantic love—such as that of [[Biography:Robert Sternberg|Robert Sternberg]], in which it is merely a mean combining liking and sexual desire—the major theories involve far more insight. For most of the 20th century, Freud's theory of the family drama dominated theories of romance and sexual relationships. This gave rise to a few counter-theories. Theorists like Deleuze counter Freud and [[Biography:Jacques Lacan|Jacques Lacan]] by attempting to return to a more naturalistic philosophy:

[[Biography:René Girard|René Girard]] argues that romantic attraction is a product of [[Philosophy:Jealousy|jealousy]] and rivalry—particularly in a triangular form.

Girard, in any case, downplays romance's individuality in favor of [[Philosophy:Jealousy|jealousy]] and the love triangle, arguing that romantic attraction arises primarily in the observed attraction between two others. A natural objection is that this is [[Philosophy:Circular reasoning|circular reasoning]], but Girard means that a small measure of attraction reaches a critical point insofar as it is caught up in [[Philosophy:Mimesis|mimesis]]. Shakespeare's plays ''A Midsummer Night's Dream'', ''As You Like It'', and ''The Winter's Tale'' are the best known examples of competitive-induced romance.<ref>In works such as ''A Theatre of Envy'' and ''Things Hidden Since the Foundation of The World'', Girard presents this mostly original theory, though finding a major precedent in Shakespeare on the structure of rivalry, claiming that it—rather than Freud's theory of the primal horde—is the origin of religion, ethics, and all aspects of sexual relations.</ref>

Girard's theory of mimetic desire is controversial because of its alleged sexism. This view has to some extent supplanted its predecessor, Freudian Oedipal theory. It may find some spurious support in the supposed attraction of women to aggressive men. As a technique of attraction, often combined with irony, it is sometimes advised that one feign toughness and disinterest, but it can be a trivial or crude idea to promulgate to men, and it is not given with much understanding of mimetic desire in mind. Instead, cultivating a spirit of self-sacrifice, coupled with an attitude of appreciation or contemplation, directed towards the other of one's attractions, constitutes the ideals of what we consider to be true romantic love. Mimesis is always the desire to possess, in renouncing it we offer ourselves as a sacrificial gift to the other.<ref>Things Hidden from the Foundation of the World, Rene Girard, Stanford University Press, 1978, pp. 283–350.</ref>

Mimetic desire is often challenged by feminists, such as [[Biography:Toril Moi|Toril Moi]],<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Moi |first1=Toril |title=The Missing Mother: The Oedipal Rivalries of René Girard |journal=Diacritics |date=1982 |volume=12 |issue=2 |pages=21–31 |doi=10.2307/464676 |jstor=464676 }}</ref> who argue that it does not account for the woman as inherently desired.

Though the centrality of rivalry is not itself a cynical view, it does emphasize the mechanical in love relations. In that sense, it does resonate with [[Philosophy:Capitalism|capitalism]] and [[Philosophy:Cynicism (contemporary)|cynicism]] native to post-modernity. Romance in this context leans more on fashion and irony, though these were important for it in less emancipated times. [[Social:Sexual revolution|Sexual revolution]]s have brought change to these areas. Wit or irony therefore encompass an instability of romance that is not entirely new but has a more central social role, fine-tuned to certain modern peculiarities and subversion originating in various social revolutions, culminating mostly in the 1960s.<ref>A contemporary irony toward romance is perhaps the expression "throwing game" or simply game. In Marxism the romantic might be considered an example of alienation.</ref>

=== Arthur Schopenhauer ===

The process of courtship also contributed to [[Biography:Arthur Schopenhauer|Arthur Schopenhauer]]'s pessimism, despite his own romantic success,<ref>''Essays and Aphorisms''</ref> and he argued that to be rid of the challenge of courtship would drive people to suicide with boredom. Schopenhauer theorized that individuals seek partners looking for a "complement" or completing of themselves in a partner, as in the cliché that "opposites attract", but with the added consideration that both partners manifest this attraction for the sake of the species:

<blockquote>But what ultimately draws two individuals of different sex exclusively to each other with such power is the will-to-live which manifests itself in the whole species, and here anticipates, in the individual that these two can produce, an objectification of its true nature corresponding to its aims.
—''World as Will and Representation'', Volume 2, Chapter XLIV<ref>Schopenhauer, A. (n.d.). The World as Will and Representation. https://antilogicalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/schopenhauer-the-world-as-will-and-representation-v2.pdf {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210625000705/https://antilogicalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/schopenhauer-the-world-as-will-and-representation-v2.pdf |date=2021-06-25 }}.</ref> </blockquote>

=== Other philosophers ===
Later modern philosophers such as [[Biography:François de La Rochefoucauld (writer)|La Rochefoucauld]], [[Biography:David Hume|David Hume]] and [[Biography:Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Jean-Jacques Rousseau]] also focused on [[Philosophy:Morality|morality]], but desire was central to French thought and Hume himself tended to adopt a French worldview and temperament. Desire in this milieu meant a very general idea termed "the passions", and this general interest was distinct from the contemporary idea of "passionate" now equated with "romantic". Love was a central topic again in the subsequent movement of [[Philosophy:Romanticism|Romanticism]], which focused on such things as absorption in nature and the [[Philosophy:Absolute|absolute]], as well as [[Social:Platonic love|platonic]] and unrequited love in German philosophy and literature.

French philosopher [[Biography:Gilles Deleuze|Gilles Deleuze]] linked this concept of love as a lack mainly to [[Biography:Sigmund Freud|Sigmund Freud]], and Deleuze often criticized it.

=== American views of romantic love ===
Victor C. De Munck and David B. Kronenfeld conducted a study named "Romantic Love in the United States: Applying Cultural Models Theory and Methods".<ref>{{cite journal |last1=de Munck |first1=Victor C. |last2=Kronenfeld |first2=David B. |title=Romantic Love in the United States: Applying Cultural Models Theory and Methods |journal=SAGE Open |date=1 January 2016 |volume=6 |issue=1 |pages=215824401562279 |doi=10.1177/2158244015622797 |doi-access=free }}</ref> This study was conducted through an investigation of two cultural model cases. It states that in America, "we have a rather and dynamic cultural model that is falsifiable and predictive of [https://gghowto.com/21-questions-for-a-new-relationship/ successful relationships]." Which supports that is popular for American people to successfully share feelings of romanticism with each other's partners. It describes American culture by stating: "The model is unique in that it combines passion with comfort and friendship as properties of romantic love." One of its main contributions is advising the reader that "For successful romantic love relations, a person would feel excited about meeting their beloved; make passionate and intimate love as opposed to only physical love; feel comfortable with the beloved, behaving in a companionable, friendly way with one's partner; listen to the other's concerns, offering to help out in various ways if necessary; and, all the while, keeping a mental ledger of the degree to which altruism and passion are mutual."

== Literature ==
[[File:DickseeRomeoandJuliet.jpg|thumb|upright|Archetypal lovers in ''Romeo and Juliet'' by Frank Dicksee, 1884]]
Shakespeare and [[Biography:Søren Kierkegaard|Søren Kierkegaard]] share a similar viewpoint that marriage and romance are not harmoniously ''in tune'' with each other. In Shakespeare's ''Measure for Measure'', for example, "...there has not been, nor is there at this point, any display of affection between Isabella and the Duke, if by affection we mean something concerned with sexual attraction. The two at the end of the play love each other as they love virtue."<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Nathan |first1=Norman |title=The Marriage of Duke Vincentio and Isabella |journal=Shakespeare Quarterly |date=1956 |volume=7 |issue=1 |pages=43–45 |doi=10.2307/2866112 |jstor=2866112 }}</ref> In ''Romeo and Juliet'', in saying "all combined, save what thou must combine By holy marriage", Romeo implies that it is not marriage with Juliet that he seeks but simply to be joined with her romantically.

Kierkegaard addressed these ideas in works such as ''Either/Or'' and ''Stages on Life's Way'':
{{blockquote|In the first place, I find it comical that all men are in love and want to be in love, and yet one never can get any illumination upon the question what the lovable, i.e., the proper object of love, really is.<ref>Kierkegaard, Søren. ''Stages on Life's Way.'' Transl. Walter Lowrie, D.D. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1940. p. 48</ref>}}
In his 2008 book ''How to Make Good Decisions and Be Right All the Time'', British writer [[Biography:Iain King|Iain King]] tried to establish rules for romance  applicable across most cultures.  He concluded on six rules, including:
# Do not flirt with someone unless you mean it.
# Do not pursue people who you are not interested in, or who are not interested in you.
# In general, express your affection or uncertainty clearly, unless there is a special reason not to.<ref>''How to Make Good Decisions and Be Right All the Time: Solving the Riddle of Right and Wrong'', 2008, p. 154</ref>

== Psychology ==
Many theorists attempt to analyze the process of romantic love.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Regan |first1=Pamela C. |chapter=General Theories of Love |pages=151–168 |chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=xpZeCwAAQBAJ&pg=PA151 |title=The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage |date=2016 |publisher=SAGE Publications |isbn=978-1-4833-7920-3 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Tobore |first1=Tobore Onojighofia |title=Towards a Comprehensive Theory of Love: The Quadruple Theory |journal=Frontiers in Psychology |date=19 May 2020 |volume=11 |pages=862 |doi=10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862 |pmid=32508711 |pmc=7248243 |doi-access=free }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Wlodarski |first1=Rafael |last2=Dunbar |first2=Robin I. M. |title=The Effects of Romantic Love on Mentalizing Abilities |journal=Review of General Psychology |date=1 December 2014 |volume=18 |issue=4 |pages=313–321 |doi=10.1037/gpr0000020 |pmid=26167112 |pmc=4496461 }}</ref><ref>Pelz, B. (n.d.). Developmental Psychology. Types of Love | Developmental Psychology. https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-hccc-ss-152-1/chapter/types-of-love/ {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210626023208/https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-hccc-ss-152-1/chapter/types-of-love/ |date=2021-06-26 }}.</ref>

Anthropologist Helen Fisher, in her book ''Why We Love'',<ref>Helen Fisher, 2004, "Why We Love" Henry Holt and Company LLC, 175 Fifth Ave. New York, NY 10010, {{ISBN|0-8050-7796-0}}</ref> uses brain scans to show that love is the product of a chemical reaction in the brain. [[Biology:Norepinephrine|Norepinephrine]] and [[Biology:Dopamine|dopamine]], among other brain chemicals, are responsible for excitement and bliss in humans as well as non-human animals. Fisher uses MRI to study the brain activity of a person "in love" and she concludes that love is a natural drive as powerful as hunger.

Psychologist Karen Horney in her article "The Problem of the Monogamous Ideal",<ref>Karen Horney, 1967, "Feminine Psychology", W.W. Norton & Company, Inc., New, York, NY {{ISBN|0-393-31080-9}}</ref> indicates that the overestimation of love leads to disillusionment; the desire to possess the partner results in the partner wanting to escape; and the friction against sex result in non-fulfillment. Disillusionment plus the desire to escape plus non-fulfillment result in a secret hostility, which causes the other partner to feel alienated. Secret hostility in one and secret alienation in the other cause the partners to secretly hate each other. This secret hate often leads one or the other or both to seek love objects outside the marriage or relationship.

Psychologist Harold Bessell in his book ''The Love Test'',<ref>Harold Bessell, 1984 "The Love Test", Warner Books, 666 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10103, {{ISBN|0-446-32582-1}}</ref> reconciles the opposing forces noted by the above researchers and shows that there are two factors that determine the quality of a relationship. Bessell proposes that people are drawn together by a force he calls "romantic attraction", which is a combination of genetic and cultural factors. This force may be weak or strong and may be felt to different degrees by each of the two love partners. The other factor is "emotional maturity", which is the degree to which a person is capable of providing good treatment in a love relationship. It can thus be said that an immature person is more likely to overestimate love, become disillusioned, and have an affair whereas a mature person is more likely to see the relationship in realistic terms and act constructively to work out problems.

Romantic love, in the abstract sense of the term, is traditionally considered to involve a mix of emotional and sexual desire for another as a [[Philosophy:Person|person]]. However, Lisa M. Diamond, a [[Organization:University of Utah|University of Utah]] [[Social:Psychology|psychology]] professor, proposes that sexual desire and romantic love are functionally independent<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Diamond |first1=Lisa M. |title=Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire |journal=Current Directions in Psychological Science |date=June 2004 |volume=13 |issue=3 |pages=116–119 |doi=10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00287.x |s2cid=35022167 }}</ref> and that romantic love is not intrinsically oriented to same-gender or other-gender partners. She also proposes that the links between love and desire are bidirectional as opposed to unilateral. Furthermore, Diamond does not state that one's sex has priority over another sex (a male or female) in romantic love because her theory suggests{{according to whom|date=September 2018}} it is as possible for someone who is homosexual to fall in love with someone of the other gender as for someone who is heterosexual to fall in love with someone of the same gender.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Diamond |first1=Lisa M. |title=What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire. |journal=Psychological Review |date=2003 |volume=110 |issue=1 |pages=173–192 |doi=10.1037/0033-295X.110.1.173 |pmid=12529061 }}</ref> In her 2012 review of this topic, Diamond emphasized that what is true for men may not be true for women. According to Diamond, in most men sexual orientation is fixed and most likely innate, but in many women sexual orientation may vary from 0 to 6 on the Kinsey scale and back again.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Diamond |first1=Lisa M. |title=The Desire Disorder in Research on Sexual Orientation in Women: Contributions of Dynamical Systems Theory |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |date=February 2012 |volume=41 |issue=1 |pages=73–83 |doi=10.1007/s10508-012-9909-7 |pmid=22278028 |s2cid=543731 }}</ref>

Martie Haselton, a psychologist at UCLA, considers romantic love a "commitment device" or mechanism that encourages two humans to form a lasting bond. She has explored the evolutionary rationale that has shaped modern romantic love and has concluded that long-lasting relationships are helpful to ensure that children reach reproductive age and are fed and cared for by two parents. Haselton and her colleagues have found evidence in their experiments that suggest love's [[Biology:Adaptation|adaptation]]. The first part of the [[Experiment|experiment]]s consists of having people think about how much they love someone and then suppress thoughts of other attractive people. In the second part of the experiment the same people are asked to think about how much they sexually desire those same partners and then try to suppress thoughts about others. The results showed that love is more efficient in pushing out those rivals than [[Biology:Sex|sex]].<ref>{{cite news |url=http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704665,00.html|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20080122150055/http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704665,00.html|url-status=dead|archive-date=22 January 2008| title=Romance Is An Illusion|date=17 January 2008|access-date= 8 July 2010 | magazine=Time | first=Carl | last=Zimmer}}</ref>

Research by the University of Pavia{{who|date=September 2018}} suggests that romantic love lasts for about a year (similar to [[Philosophy:Limerence|limerence]]) before being replaced by a more stable, non-passionate "companionate love".<ref>{{cite news | url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4478040.stm | work=BBC News | title=Romantic love 'lasts just a year' | date=28 November 2005 | access-date=10 April 2010 | archive-date=22 July 2010 | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20100722011424/http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4478040.stm | url-status=live }}</ref> In companionate love, changes occur from the early stage of love to when the relationship becomes more established and romantic feelings seem to end. However, research from Stony Brook University in New York suggests that some couples keep romantic feelings alive for much longer.<ref>{{cite news | url=http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/04/true.love.found/index.html | work=CNN | title=Scientists: True love can last a lifetime | access-date=10 April 2010 | date=4 January 2009 | archive-date=11 April 2010 | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20100411092744/http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/04/true.love.found/index.html | url-status=live }}</ref>

===Attachment patterns===

Attachment styles that people develop as children can influence the way that they interact with partners in adult relationships, with secure attachment styles being associated with healthier and more trusting relationships than avoidant or anxious attachment styles.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Ainsworth |first1=Mary S. |title=Infant–mother attachment. |journal=American Psychologist |date=1979 |volume=34 |issue=10 |pages=932–937 |doi=10.1037/0003-066x.34.10.932 |pmid=517843 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Simpson |first1=Jeffry A. |title=Influence of attachment styles on romantic relationships. |journal=Journal of Personality and Social Psychology |date=1990 |volume=59 |issue=5 |pages=971–980 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.59.5.971 }}</ref> Hazen and Shaver found that adult romantic attachment styles were similar to the categories of secure, avoidant, and anxious that had previously been studied in children's attachments to their caregivers, demonstrating that attachment styles are stable across the lifespan.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Hazan |first1=Cindy |last2=Shaver |first2=Phillip |title=Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. |journal=Journal of Personality and Social Psychology |date=1987 |volume=52 |issue=3 |pages=511–524 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511 |pmid=3572722 |s2cid=2280613 }}</ref> Later on, researchers distinguished between dismissive avoidant attachment and fearful avoidant attachment.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Bartholomew |first1=Kim |last2=Horowitz |first2=Leonard M. |title=Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. |journal=Journal of Personality and Social Psychology |date=1991 |volume=61 |issue=2 |pages=226–244 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.61.2.226 |pmid=1920064 |s2cid=3547883 }}</ref> Others have found that secure adult attachment, leading to the ability for intimacy and confidence in relationship stability, is characterized by low attachment-related anxiety and avoidance, while the fearful style is high on both dimensions, the dismissing style is low on anxiety and high on avoidance, and the preoccupied style is high on anxiety and low on avoidance.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Simpson |first1=Jeffry A. |last2=Rholes |first2=W. Steven |chapter=Self-report measurement of adult romantic attachment: An integrative overview |pages=46–76 |title=Attachment Theory and Close Relationships |date=1997 |publisher=Guilford Publications |isbn=978-1-57230-102-3 }}</ref>

=== Romantic love definition/operationalization ===
Irving Singer <ref>{{cite book|last=Singer|first=Irving|title=The Nature of Love: Vol. 1. Plato to Luther|url=https://archive.org/details/natureoflove0003sing|url-access=registration|year=1984|publisher=University of Chicago Press|location=Chicago}}</ref><ref>{{cite book|last=Singer|first=Irving|title=The Nature of Love: Vol. 2. Courtly and romantic.|url=https://archive.org/details/natureoflove0003sing|url-access=registration|year=1984|publisher=University of Chicago Press|location=Chicago}}</ref><ref name="Singer 1987">{{cite book|last=Singer|first=Irving|title=The Nature of love: Vol. 3. The modern world|year=1987|publisher=University of Chicago Press|location=Chicago}}</ref> first defined love based on four [[Social:Ancient Greek|Greek]] terms: ''eros'', meaning the search for beauty; ''philia'', the feelings of affection in close friendships, ''nomos'', the submission of and obedience to higher or divine powers, and ''agape'', the bestowal of love and affection for the divine powers. While Singer did believe that love was important to world culture, he did not believe that romantic love played a major role.<ref name="Singer 1987"/> However, Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick at Texas Tech University <ref>{{cite book|last=Hendrick|first=S. S.|title=Romantic Love|year=1992|publisher=Sage|location=Newbury Park, CA|author2=Hendrick, C. }}</ref><ref>{{cite book|last=Hendrick|first=C.|title=Oxford handbook of positive psychology|year=2009|publisher=Oxford University Press|location=New York|pages=447–454|author2=Hendrick, S. S. |editor=S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder}}</ref> have theorized that romantic love will play an increasingly important cultural role in the future, as it is considered an important part of living a fulfilling life. They also theorized that love in long-term romantic relationships has only been the product of cultural forces that came to fruition within the past 300 years. By cultural forces, they mean the increasing prevalence of individualistic ideologies, which are the result of an inward shift of many cultural worldviews.

=== Passionate and companionate love ===
Researchers have determined that romantic love is a complex emotion that can be divided into either passionate or companionate forms.<ref>{{cite book|last=Brogaard|first=B.|title=On Romantic Love|year=2015|publisher=Oxford University Press|location=New York}}</ref> Berscheid and Walster <ref>{{cite book|last=Berscheid|first=E.|title=Interpersonal Attraction (2nd ed.)|year=1978|publisher=Addison Wesley|location=Reading, MA|author2=Walster, E. }}</ref> and Hatfield<ref>{{cite book|last=Hatfield|first=E.|title=The Psychology of Love|chapter-url=https://archive.org/details/psychologyoflove00sterrich|chapter-url-access=registration|year=1988|publisher=Yale University Press|location=New Haven, CT|pages=[https://archive.org/details/psychologyoflove00sterrich/page/191 191–217]|editor=R. J. Sternberg & M. I. Barnes|chapter=Passionate and companionate love|isbn=978-0-300-03950-4}}</ref> found that these two forms can co-exist, either simultaneously or intermittently. Passionate love is an arousal-driven emotion that often gives people extreme feelings of happiness, and can also give people feelings of anguish.{{citation needed|date=April 2018}} Companionate love is a form that creates a steadfast bond between two people, and gives people feelings of peace. Researchers have described the stage of passionate love as "being on cocaine", since during that stage the brain releases the same neurotransmitter, dopamine, as when cocaine is being used.<ref>{{cite book|last1=Ansari|first1=Aziz|last2=Klinenberg|first2=Eric|title=Modern Romance|date=2015|publisher=Penguin Press|location=New York|isbn=978-1-59420-627-6|page=214}}</ref> It is also estimated that passionate love (as with [[Philosophy:Limerence|limerence]]) lasts for about twelve to eighteen months.<ref>{{cite book|last1=Ansari|first1=Aziz|last2=Klinenberg|first2=Eric|title=Modern Romance|date=2015|publisher=Penguin Press|location=New York|isbn=978-1-59420-627-6|page=215}}</ref>

Hendrick and Hendrick studied college students who were in the early stages of a relationship and found that almost half reported that their significant other was their closest friend, providing evidence that both passionate and companionate love exist in new relationships.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Hendrick |first1=Susan S. |last2=Hendrick |first2=Clyde |title=Gender differences and similarities in sex and love |journal=Personal Relationships |date=March 1995 |volume=2 |issue=1 |pages=55–65 |doi=10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00077.x |doi-access=free }}</ref> Conversely, in a study of long-term marriages, Contreras, Hendrick, and Hendrick found that couples endorsed measures of both companionate love and passionate love and that passionate love was the strongest predictor of marital satisfaction, showing that both types of love can endure throughout the years.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Contreras |first1=Raquel |last2=Hendrick |first2=Susan S. |last3=Hendrick |first3=Clyde |title=Perspectives on Marital Love and Satisfaction in Mexican American and Anglo-American Couples |journal=Journal of Counseling & Development |date=4 March 1996 |volume=74 |issue=4 |pages=408–415 |doi=10.1002/j.1556-6676.1996.tb01887.x }}</ref>

=== The triangular theory of love ===
Psychologist Robert Sternberg<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Sternberg |first1=Robert J. |title=A triangular theory of love. |journal=Psychological Review |date=April 1986 |volume=93 |issue=2 |pages=119–135 |doi=10.1037/0033-295x.93.2.119 }}</ref> developed the [[Philosophy:Triangular theory of love|triangular theory of love]]. He theorized that love is a combination of three main components: passion (physical arousal); intimacy (psychological feelings of closeness); and commitment (the sustaining of a relationship). He also theorized that the different combinations of these three components could yield up to seven different forms of love. These include popularized forms such as romantic love (intimacy and passion) and consummate love (passion, intimacy, and commitment). The other forms are liking (intimacy), companionate love (intimacy and commitment), empty love (commitment), fatuous love (passion and commitment), and infatuation (passion).
Studies on Sternberg's theory love found that intimacy most strongly predicted marital satisfaction in married couples, with passion also being an important predictor (Silberman, 1995.<ref>{{cite thesis |last1=Silberman |first1=Scott |title=The relationships among love, marital satisfaction and duration of marriage |date=1995 |oclc=313954350 |url=https://www.proquest.com/openview/1b18067c4601b3d08b368866a12a96df/1 |access-date=2021-06-27 |archive-date=2021-06-27 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210627030147/https://www.proquest.com/openview/1b18067c4601b3d08b368866a12a96df/1 |url-status=live }}</ref> On the other hand, Acker and Davis<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Acker |first1=Michele |last2=Davis |first2=Mark H. |title=Intimacy, Passion and Commitment in Adult Romantic Relationships: A Test of the Triangular Theory of Love |journal=Journal of Social and Personal Relationships |date=February 1992 |volume=9 |issue=1 |pages=21–50 |doi=10.1177/0265407592091002 |s2cid=143485002 }}</ref> found that commitment was the strongest predictor of relationship satisfaction, especially for long-term relationships.

=== The self-expansion theory of romantic love ===
Researchers Arthur and Elaine Aron theorized that humans have a basic drive to expand their self-concepts. Further, their experience with Eastern concepts of love caused them to believe that positive emotions, cognitions, and relationships in romantic behaviors all drive the expansion of a person's self-concept.<ref>{{cite book|last=Aron|first=A.|title=Love and the expansion of self: Understanding attraction and satisfaction|year=1986|publisher=Hemisphere|location=New York|author2=Aron, E. N. }}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref> A study following college students for 10 weeks showed that those students who fell in love over the course of the investigation reported higher feelings of self-esteem and self-efficacy than those who did not.<ref>{{cite journal|last=Aron|first=A.|author2=Paris, M. |author3=Aron, E. N. |title=Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change|journal=Journal of Personality and Social Psychology|year=1995|volume=69|issue=6|pages=1102–1112|doi=10.1037/0022-3514.69.6.1102}}</ref>

=== Mindful relationships ===
Gottman studies the components of a flourishing romantic relationship have been studied in the lab <ref>{{cite book |last1=Gottman |first1=John Mordechai |title=What predicts divorce?: the relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes |date=1994 |publisher=Psychology Press |isbn=978-0-8058-1285-5 |oclc=1156420003 }}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref> Gottman & Silver, 1999.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Gottman |first1=John Mordechai |last2=Silver |first2=Nan |title=The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work |date=1999 |publisher=Crown Publishers |isbn=978-0-609-60104-4 }}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref> He used physiological and behavioral measures during couples' interactions to predict relationship success and found that five positive interactions to one negative interaction are needed to maintain a healthy relationship. He established a therapy intervention for couples that focused on civil forms of disapproval, a culture of appreciation, acceptance of responsibility for problems, and self-soothing. {{cite book |last1=Gottman |first1=J. M. |last2=Driver |first2=J. |last3=Tabares |first3=A. |chapter=Building the Sound Marital House: An empirically-derived couple therapy |pages=373–399 |editor1-last=Gurman |editor1-first=Alan S |editor2-last=Jacobson |editor2-first=Neil S |title=Clinical handbook of couple therapy |date=2002 |publisher=Guilford Press |isbn=978-1-57230-758-2 |oclc=49959228 }}</ref>

=== Relationship behaviors ===
Recent research suggests that romantic relationships impact daily behaviors and people are influenced by the eating habits of their romantic partners. Specifically, in the early stages of romantic relationships, women are more likely to be influenced by the eating patterns (i.e., healthiness/unhealthiness) of men. However, when romantic relationships are established, men are influenced by the eating patterns of women.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Hasford |first1=Jonathan |last2=Kidwell |first2=Blair |last3=Lopez-Kidwell |first3=Virginie |title=Happy Wife, Happy Life: Food Choices in Romantic Relationships |journal=Journal of Consumer Research |date=1 April 2018 |volume=44 |issue=6 |pages=1238–1256 |doi=10.1093/jcr/ucx093 }}</ref>

=== Relationship maintenance ===
Daniel Canary from the International Encyclopedia of Marriage<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Clover |first1=David |title=International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family (2nd edition)2003310Edited by James J. Ponzetti. International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family (2nd edition) . New York, NY: Macmillan Reference 2003. 4 vols, {{text|ISBN}}: 0‐02‐865672‐5 $450.00 |journal=Reference Reviews |date=June 2003 |volume=17 |issue=6 |pages=28–29 |doi=10.1108/09504120310490570 }}</ref> describes relationship maintenance as "At the most basic level, relational maintenance refers to a variety of behaviors used by partners in an effort to stay together." Maintaining stability and quality in a relationship is the key to success in a romantic relationship. He says that: "simply staying together is not sufficient; instead, the quality of the relationship is important. For researchers, this means examining behaviors that are linked to relational satisfaction and other indicators of quality." Canary suggests using the work of John Gottman, an American physiologist best known for his research on marital stability for over four decades, serves as a guide for predicting outcomes in relationships because "Gottman emphasizes behaviors that determine whether or not a couple gets divorced".<ref>{{Cite book|date=1 November 1993|title=What Predicts Divorce?|doi=10.4324/9781315806808|isbn=978-1-315-80680-8|last1=Gottman|first1=John Mordechai}}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref>

Furthermore, Canary also uses the source from Stafford and Canary,<ref>{{Cite book|date=1 June 2001|editor-last=Harvey|editor-first=John H.|editor2-last=Wenzel|editor2-first=Amy|title=Close Romantic Relationships|doi=10.4324/9781410600462|isbn=978-1-4106-0046-2}}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref> a journal on Communication Monographs, because they created five great strategies based on maintaining quality in a relationship, the article's strategies are to provide:
* ''Positivity'': being joyful and optimistic, not criticizing each other.
* ''Assurances'': proving one's commitment and love.
* ''Openness'': to be honest with one another according to what they want in the relationship.
* ''Social networks'': efforts into involving friends and family in their activities.
* ''Sharing tasks'': complementing each other's needs based on daily work.

On relational maintenance, Steven McCornack and Joseph Ortiz, the authors of the book ''Choices & Connection'', state that relationship maintenance "refers to the use of communication behaviors to keep a relationship strong and to ensure that each party continues to draw satisfaction from the relationship".<ref>{{cite book |doi=10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic119 |chapter=Deceptive Message Production |title=The International Encyclopedia of Interpersonal Communication |year=2015 |last1=McCornack |first1=Steven |pages=1–5 |isbn=978-1-118-30605-5 }}</ref>

====Physiology====
Researchers such as Feeney and Noller question the stability of attachment style across the life span since studies that measured attachment styles at time points ranging from two weeks to eight months found that one out of four adults' attachment style changed.<ref>{{cite book|last=Feeney|first=J|author2=Noller, P |title=Adult Attachment|year=1996|publisher=Sage}}{{page needed|date=June 2021}}</ref> Furthermore, a study by Lopez and Gormley found that attachment styles could change during the first year of college and that changes to more secure attachment styles were associated with adjustments in self-confidence ratings and coping styles.<ref>{{cite journal|last=Lopez|first=F|author2=Gormley, B |title=Stability and change in adult attachment style over the first-year college transition: Relations to self-confidence, coping, and distress patterns|journal=Journal of Counseling Psychology|year=2002|volume=49|issue=3|pages=355–364|doi=10.1037/0022-0167.49.3.355}}</ref> On the other hand, attachment styles in childhood mirror the ones found in adult romantic relationships.<ref>{{cite journal|last=Collins|first=N|author2=Reads, S |title=Adult attachment, working models, and relationship quality in dating couples|journal=Journal of Personality and Social Psychology|year=1990|volume=58|issue=4|pages=644–663|doi=10.1037/0022-3514.58.4.644|pmid=14570079|s2cid=3143987}}</ref> In addition, research has shown that building interpersonal connections strengthens neural regulatory systems that are involved in emotions of empathy, enjoyment of positive social events, and stress management,<ref>{{cite book|last=Schore|first=A|title=Affect regulation and the origin of the self: The neurobiology of emotional development|year=1994|publisher=Psychology Press}}</ref><ref>{{cite book |last1=Taylor |first1=S. E. |last2=Dickerson |first2=S. S. |last3=Klein |first3=L. C. |chapter=Toward a biology of social support |pages=556–569 |editor1-last=Snyder |editor1-first=C. R. |editor2-last=Lopez |editor2-first=Shane J. |title=Handbook of Positive Psychology |date=20 December 2001 |publisher=Oxford University Press |isbn=978-0-19-803094-2 }}</ref> providing evidence that early social interactions affect adult relationships.

Another topic of controversy in the field of romantic relationships is that of domestic abuse. Following the theory that romantic love evolved as a byproduct of survival, it can be said that in some instances, it has turned into a [[Biology:Maladaptation|maladaptation]]. [[Chemistry:Oxytocin|Oxytocin]] (OT) is a neurophysical hormone produced in the brain. It is known to cause a decrease in stress response. It also can cause an increase in feelings of [[Philosophy:Attachment theory|attachment]]. In the beginning stages of a romantic relationship, OT levels surge and then remain relatively stable over the duration of the relationship. The higher the surge of OT, the greater the likelihood is of partners staying together.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Schafer |first1=J |last2=Caetano |first2=R |last3=Clark |first3=C L |title=Rates of intimate partner violence in the United States. |journal=American Journal of Public Health |date=November 1998 |volume=88 |issue=11 |pages=1702–1704 |doi=10.2105/ajph.88.11.1702 |pmid=9807541 |pmc=1508557 }}</ref> It plays an important role in increasing positive interpersonal behaviors such as trust, altruism, empathy, etc.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Kosfeld |first1=Michael |last2=Heinrichs |first2=Markus |last3=Zak |first3=Paul J. |last4=Fischbacher |first4=Urs |last5=Fehr |first5=Ernst |title=Oxytocin increases trust in humans |journal=Nature |date=June 2005 |volume=435 |issue=7042 |pages=673–676 |doi=10.1038/nature03701 |pmid=15931222 |bibcode=2005Natur.435..673K |s2cid=1234727 |url=https://archive-ouverte.unige.ch/unige:101739 |access-date=2019-12-11 |archive-date=2020-08-03 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200803074221/https://archive-ouverte.unige.ch/unige:101739 |url-status=live }}</ref> This response is not universal and can in fact, cause the opposite to occur depending on environment and individual. Individuals ranked high in rejection sensitivity exhibited aggressive tendencies and decreased willingness for cooperation, indicating a link between oxytocin and relationship maintenance.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Bartz |first1=Jennifer |last2=Simeon |first2=Daphne |last3=Hamilton |first3=Holly |last4=Kim |first4=Suah |last5=Crystal |first5=Sarah |last6=Braun |first6=Ashley |last7=Vicens |first7=Victor |last8=Hollander |first8=Eric |title=Oxytocin can hinder trust and cooperation in borderline personality disorder |journal=Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience |date=October 2011 |volume=6 |issue=5 |pages=556–563 |doi=10.1093/scan/nsq085 |pmid=21115541 |pmc=3190211 }}</ref>

The feelings associated with romantic love function to ensure the greater reproductive fitness of individuals. The obligations of individuals in romantic relationships to preserve these bonds are based in [[Philosophy:Kin selection|kin selection]] theory, where by exhibiting aggressive behavior, a mate can use intimidation and [[Dominance (ethology)|dominance]] to ward off other potential predators, thus protecting the pair bond and their actual or potential offspring. This has however evolved to the point where it has become detrimental to the fitness of individuals; what is causing attachment to occur in a relationship, is now causing one partner to harm the other.

In the search for the root of intimate partner violence (IPV), intranasal oxytocin was administered to a control group and a group of participants with aggressive tendencies. Participants were then surveyed on how willing they were to engage in five behaviors towards their romantic partner. What they found was that oxytocin increased IPV inclinations only among the participants with a predisposition towards aggressive tendencies.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=DeWall |first1=C. Nathan|last2=Gillath |first2=Omri |last3=Pressman |first3=Sarah D. |last4=Black |first4=Lora L. |last5=Bartz |first5=Jennifer A. |last6=Moskovitz |first6=Jackob |last7=Stetler |first7=Dean A. |title=When the Love Hormone Leads to Violence: Oxytocin Increases Intimate Partner Violence Inclinations Among High Trait Aggressive People |journal=Social Psychological and Personality Science |date=August 2014 |volume=5 |issue=6 |pages=691–697 |doi=10.1177/1948550613516876 |hdl=1808/19002 |s2cid=34738568 |hdl-access=free }}</ref> Oxytocin decreases trust and prosocial behavior in individuals with interpersonal difficulties. This, coupled with its role in relationship maintenance, illustrates that oxytocin serves to instill a sense of territoriality and protectiveness towards a mate.{{citation needed|date=February 2019}}

== See also ==
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-break}}
* [[Biology:Biological basis of love|Biological basis of love]]
* [[Social:Buddhism and romantic relationships|Buddhism and romantic relationships]]
* Chivalric romance
* [[Social:Courtly love|Courtly love]]
* [[Medicine:Erotomania|Erotomania]]
* Erotophobia
* [[Social:Heterosociality|Heterosociality]]
* [[Social:Homosociality|Homosociality]]
* [[Social:Infatuation|Infatuation]]
* [[Social:Interpersonal attraction|Interpersonal attraction]]
* [[Social:Intimate relationship|Intimate relationship]]
* [[Philosophy:Limerence|Limerence]], the state of mind which arises from romantic attraction
* [[Philosophy:Love|Love]]
* Love at first sight
* Lovesickness
* [[Biology:Marriage|Marriage]]
* [[Social:Platonic love|Platonic love]]
* [[Social:Romantic friendship|Romantic friendship]]
* [[Social:Romantic comedy|Romantic comedy]]
* Romantic orientation
* Romance novel
* Sexual relationship
* The Transformation of Intimacy
* Valentine's Day
;Romantic practices
* flirting
* [[Social:Fraternization|fraternizing]]
* [[Social:Gift|gift-giving]]
** [[Biology:Flower#Symbolism|flowers]]
** candy
** jewellery
*** promise ring
*** engagement ring
*** wedding ring
* [[Biology:Courtship|courtship]]
* pet names
* [[Social:Baby talk|baby talk]]
* intimacy
** [[Biology:Eye contact|eye contact]]
** hugging
** holding hands
** kissing
* [[Social:Love letter|love letter]]
* [[Social:Dating|Dating]]
** Couple
** Movies
** Serenade
{{col-end}}

== References ==
{{Reflist|2}}

== Further reading ==
* Loudin, Jo, ''The Hoax of Romance''. New York: Prentice Hall, 1980.
* Young-Eisendrath, Polly, ''You're Not Who I Expected''. William Morrow & Company, 1993.
* Kierkegaard, Søren. ''Stages on Life's Way.'' Transl. Walter Lowrie, D.D. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1940.
* Lévi-Strauss, Claude. ''Structural Anthropology.'' London: Allen Lane, 1968; New York: Penguin Books, 1994. ''Structural Anthropology.'' (volume 2) London: Allen Lane, 1977; New York: Peregrine Books 1976.
* Nietzsche, Friedrich. ''Human, All Too Human.'' Transl. R.J. Hollingdale. Cambridge: Cambridge University, 2nd Edition, 1996.
* Wiseman, Boris. ''Introducing Lévi-Strauss.'' New York: Totem Books, 1998.
* Denis de Rougemont, ''Love in the Western World.'' Pantheon Books, 1956.
* Francesco Alberoni, ''Falling in love'', New York, Random House, 1983.
* Novak, Michael. Shaw, Elizabeth (editor) ''The Myth of Romantic Love and Other Essays'' Transaction Publishers (23 January 2013).
* {{cite news |last1=Wexler |first1=Harry K |title=The Romantic Hoax |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/getting-laid-over-60/200908/the-romantic-hoax |work=Psychology Today |date=31 August 2009 }}
* The Journal of Popular Romance Studies, that publishes academic research on romantic love. 

==External links==
{{Human sexuality and sexology}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Romance (Love)}}
[[Category:Virtue]]
[[Category:Friendship]]

{{Sourceattribution|Romance (love)}}