Philosophy:Love bombing

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it. Critics of cults use the phrase with the implication that the "love" is feigned and that the practice is psychological manipulation in order to create a feeling of unity within the group against a society perceived as hostile. In 2011 clinical psychologist Oliver James advocated love bombing in his book Love Bombing: Reset Your Child's Emotional Thermostat, as a means for parents to rectify emotional problems in their children.

Definition and analysis

The expression "love bombing" was coined by members of the Unification Church of the United States during the 1970s and was also used by members of the Family International. Psychology professor Margaret Singer popularized awareness of the concept. In her 1996 book, Cults in Our Midst, she writes:

As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be love bombed by the recruiter or other cult members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was originally associated with one of the early youth cults, but soon it was taken up by a number of groups as part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members' flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing – or the offer of instant companionship – is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.

Dr. Hans Breiter, a neuroscientist at Harvard University, states that "Some people seem to be born with vulnerable dopamine systems that get hijacked by social rewards."

Keith Henson has attempted to explain in evolutionary psychology terms how love bombing works. It is based on the idea that the brain evolved in a social context and that attention from others acts as a reward. He wrote in a 2002 article in The Human Nature Review:

"It should come as no surprise that this powerful reward mechanism can be taken over by drug-induced rewards, but this is not the only way the brain reward system can be hijacked. Memes . . . which manifest as cults and related social movements have "discovered" the brain's reward system as well. Successful cult memes induce intense social interaction behavior between cult members. This trips the attention detectors. Tripping the detectors causes the release of reward chemicals . . . . Anyone who has ever had the feeling of being higher than a kite after giving a public speech is well aware of the effects of attention.

Abusive relationships

The expression has been used to describe the tactics used by pimps and gang members to control their victims.

An article in Cosmopolitan explains:

Anyone is capable of love bombing, but it's most often a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder. Love bombing is largely an unconscious behaviour. It’s about really getting the other person. Then when they feel like they really got the person and they feel secure in the relationship, the narcissist typically switches and becomes very difficult, abusive, or manipulative.

Modern social media can intensify the effect of love bombing since it enables the abuser with nearly constant contact and communication with the victim. One of the signs of love bombing in the start of a relationship is intense attention during a short period of time and pressure for very rapid commitment.

Psychologist Dale Archer identifies the phases of love bombing with the acronym IDD: ”Intense Idealization, Devaluation, Discard (Repeat)" and the process of identifying this behavior pattern as SLL: "Stop, Look, and Listen"; after which breaking off contact with the abuser can become more possible by also seeking support from family and friends.

Another sign of love bombing is being intensely showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with the predator so that the victim feels or is made to believe that all this is a sign of "love at first sight". Since such signs of affection and affirmation may meet felt needs and not look harmful at the surface, the excitement of such a new relationship often does not appear as cause for alarm. However, after the initial excitement, when the victim shows interest or care about anything beyond their new partner, the manipulator may show anger, passive-aggressive behavior, or accuse the victims of selfishness. If the victim does not comply to demands, the devaluation stage begins: the abuser withdraws all affection or positive reinforcement and instead punishes the victim with whatever they feel is appropriate—shouting, beratement, mind games, silent treatment, or even physical abuse.

Benign occurrences

Excessive attention and affection does not constitute love bombing if there is no intent or pattern of further abuse. Archer explains:

The key to understanding how love bombing differs from romantic courtship is to look at what happens next, after two people are officially a couple. If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely, if actions match words, and there is no devaluation phase, then it’s probably not love bombing. That much attention might get annoying after a while, but it’s not unhealthy in and of itself.

In the 2010s British author and psychologist Oliver James recommended love bombing as a technique for parents to help their troubled children. He described it as, "dedicating one-on-one time spoiling and lavishing your child with love, and, within reason, pandering to their every wish."